The last week has been very bad. I have not been doing much studying. Mostly, I have been thinking. Thoughts about the future, about what I really want. Do I want to become a scientist? Do I want a regular job? Do I have what it takes to handle a fulltime job?

I dont know, and it bothers me. On some levels I am a strong person. I could go through fire for some things. But for other things, I would not even take a downhill walk. Discipline is still my weakness.

It might be because it is the darkest week of the year. Things will change. They always do.